He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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