she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
