i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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