you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
