I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
