Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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