haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
