I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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