just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
