True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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