i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my sisters under your porch take her home
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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