dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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