apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
