So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
