Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm really busy with my period
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