Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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