I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
