so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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