after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
