The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
