It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
