I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
