I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
