So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
