I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
