Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
