Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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