now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
