I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
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I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
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he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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