he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
