You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
