people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
