please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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