Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
