The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
