You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
