oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She said her name was "party"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
