If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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