I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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