so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
