there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
