Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
