Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
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Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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