i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
