You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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