I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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