there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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