hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
