Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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