You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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