got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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