I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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