I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
