my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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