wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
