Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
