dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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