as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
