The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
