are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
