I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
