Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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