At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
